Justin Dickinson
Helps Make the Internet

Don’t worry about what Western Monarchy is, not just yet. Google it if you must, but that’s for later. More important is the following excerpt from an conversation I had with a friend, we’ll call him T, about the importance of careful naming. This was a good year ago but I just found this kicking around my drafts folder:

Anyhow, I have been thinking more and more about your Western Monarchy, and how much I like that name, and how much I fucking hate all these fucking random assortment of letters for other internet based businesses. It’s worse than a fucking Ikea catalog. I seriously get a bad taste in my mouth from all of these random words..its not cool. There is total feeling of lack of presence, lack of seriousness, lack of quality, solidness…it all sounds like a high school project name some sophomore came up with when shit is named Blurb, or Skype, or Lulu.

I was also thinking about your two word name when I was renaming my testicles and penis the other night. I first decided upon “Magna Carta” for my penis, as that document, like my penis, has been the genesis for all other modern rights of man constitutions. Then it occurred right afterward that my balls should be “Manifest Destiny” not sure which ball is which just yet, but I like the thought that I can Manifest my Destiny inside someone. “I want to Manifest your Destiny.” or “let’s Manifest each others’ Destiny.” or, “This is your ‘Manifest Destiny’”,  or “meet your Destiny, Manifested.” and of course the balls, harboring the zygots that can severely alter a woman’s life, seem a perfect representation of self determined futures.

The best part about naming your balls Manifest Destiny is that they give you divine right to move as far as possible on a woman’s body. Except this time it isn’t west, it’s south. Zing!

I may have wrote that last paragraph as a reply. I don’t really remember.

Please @jmdickinson any replies or responses this piece evokes in you.